After a miss
Kindness after failing
Being kind to yourself after a failure made people try harder to improve, not less.
It seems as if being hard on yourself would push you. In a set of experiments, people who were encouraged to treat a failure with self-compassion studied longer for a retest than people who got a self-esteem boost or nothing at all.
Kindness isn't lowering the bar. It makes it safe to look straight at what went wrong — and that is what you need in order to fix it.
Try this
Answer a miss the way you'd answer a friend's, then pick the next small step.
Source
After failing a difficult test, people induced to be self-compassionate spent more time studying for a retest than comparison groups.
Breines, J. G., & Chen, S. (2012). Self-compassion increases self-improvement motivation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 38(9), 1133–1143.
A general finding about how people tend to work — not advice for your situation, and not a diagnosis.